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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Feeling Rejected

Dear Fabian & Karla,
While I am currently happy with most aspects of my life right now, one of the areas where I feel a loss is with close personal friendships (other than my husband, whom I consider my best friend). As I am growing older and my life and family are changing, it seems that many of my old friends and I have grown apart. My list of close friends is now down to about 2 or 3, and even those friendships are not as close as I would like them to be and unfortunately I do not see the potential of very much growth beyond what they currently are.
Recently I felt some disappointment when an old friend whom I used to be close to married and all of our mutual friends were there, but I was not invited. It bothered me more than I would like to admit. My question is this: how can I move on completely from these lost friendships? Reaching out and trying to reconnect has been futile, and I feel that I need to let go and move, but for some reason I am having a hard time doing so.
-Feeling Rejected

Karla Says:
I am sorry this is happening.  I empathize with the painful experience I have been through it myself especially after having children.  I encourage you to surrender to your current experience and to send loving thoughts to your old friends.  Bless them and let them go.  Pray to be open to the new friendships waiting to come into your life.  It sounds like you are very grateful for your current blessings but there can never be enough gratitude.  Be continuously grateful and feel love for the new friendships just waiting for you to be ready.  I have found it is best not to take things personally because they never are.... and to focus on trust.  We are merely humans and as humans we are unable to comprehend the greatness that our creator has in store for us.  There is a plan for you and there are loving friendships that are even better for you than the old ones.  Be open and surrender to the amazing experience and friendships that are waiting for you to be ready.  Wishing you the absolute best!!!

Fabian Says:
Feeling rejected is never a good feeling as you know (now that it is happening to you), but it happens and there are several things you can do about it (1) sit around and be depressed, (2) go out and try to relive your high school years (good or bad) or (3) be a big boy/girl and make new friends.  You need to find out what part you played in that rejection and not repeat it if you want to keep friends.  Also if this friend was such a close friend this would not have happened.  Friends needs to be like family, you talk crap to each other, hurt each other feelings and all the ups and downs but they will always be there because the relationship is stronger than all the crap. You must have known that there was difficulty with the friendship early on.  Did you approach this person and ask why there has been distance... also did you ask why you were not invited to the wedding?  If you have truly tried to reach out and repair the friendship and there has been no response on the part of your friend, then I say to hell with him/her move on with your life make new friends.  If you are having trouble moving on then you are glutton for punishment and probable stressing out your husband (your best friend).  Suck it up this is not high school it not a popularity contest make friends with the weird neighbor or the cashier at the grocery store, there are opportunities every were to make friends you just need to find the courage  within yourself to do it.  Good luck with this! 

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